Trauma and the Need for Empathy

Why insecurity is a side effect of trauma, and how empathy is needed to deal with insecurity and trauma.

I recently read a post that was really good and tackled an important subject, but I felt that the author had got a few things wrong and so I wrote a post in response to it( you can find the post here). They were talking about insecurity and how they thought that the main reason people are insecure is because they “fundamentally don’t believe they can hurt others.” They went on to say that insecure people will take advantage of your empathy by making you feel bad for them. They gave the example of writing a paper and getting a better grade than said insecure person. The insecure person then goes on to say that the paper wasn’t important or that you shouldn’t boast. You then reply back the same thing, that it didn’t matter or they did a good job. The author then said that this is taking advantage of your empathy and makes you lose focus of your victory, (writing a good paper) and focus on the fact that your friend doesn’t feel good. I disagree with this example because a mature person can still enjoy their victory and empathize with someone who feels insecure. More importantly, I think that what the author suggests as the root cause for insecurity is incorrect. Rather than stemming from a belief that they cannot hurt other people, I think insecurity comes from trauma both past and present. However, the author was partly right, because thinking you can not hurt anyone is a symptom of insecurity, just not the root cause.

There are many degrees of trauma, but it comes down to how a person handles the stress/stressors in their life. Everyone handles trauma differently and their physical or emotional response to it affects other areas of their life. Trauma can make you doubt your worth, which then makes you insecure. I have seen this firsthand in friends or relatives, but those are not my stories to share. There are however, two symptoms of insecurity. The first one I have already touched on is that some insecure people get so focused on their own pain they disregard their ability to hurt others. This makes them sensitive, defensive and easily triggered by small things. We saw this in the example that I summarized from the author’s article.

The second symptom of insecurity is one that you see in most of the villains and bullies of TV shows and movies. Bullies often lash out at people because they are insecure and traumatized, but instead of being sensitive and easily triggered, they disquise it by taking out their anger on anyone they can.

Empathy is one of the most effective ways to handle both of these symptoms. With those who struggle with the first symptom, uplifting them and making them feel important is key. Their trauma may often be that nobody encouraged them and so they put down others to build themselves up. You can empathize with their feelings, encourage and uplift to help them realize that they are important. With bullies the approach is still the same, but requires more patience because their pain is sometimes deeper. Helping them see how important they are is the first step to breaking the cycle of trauma.

Insecurity isn’t about being unaware of the ability to hurt others—it is about unresolved trauma. Some insecure people lash out while others become defensive, but both responses come from the root issue. We have to understand this because it changes how we respond to insecurity. Rather than believing that they are ignorant or manipulative, we can approach them with empathy, helping them break free from the cycle of trauma.

If we want to create a world where people feel more secure in themselves, we need to stop treating insecurity as a flaw and start seeing it as a wound that needs healing. I’m still learning about these layered parts of life and people, so feel free to ask questions throughout my journey.

As always happy reading,

Elias King

Found this picture of the family and thought it was cute. We were all so tiny!