Being an Introvert and Having Friends

My perspective on being an introvert and trying to find friends

I often struggle to find friends. I know right? You might be like “What? You seem so cool, Elias. Why can’t you find friends?” Well if you didn’t know by now I’m, not to be stereotypical, an introvert. I prefer a book to meeting new people (books can’t hurt your feelings), have to be forced to introduce myself to people first, and my favorite pasttime is complaining about how I have no friends. However, before a pity party gets started, let the record state that I was perfectly content to be friendless forever. I had the Chronicles of Narnia, Percy Jackson, and Spy School as my besties! Who needs real people right? This fantasy lasted a good long while. I was homeschooled and we never really went anywhere so I was never forced to make a friend. It also doesn’t help that I am a diva about friends. My close friend circle stays in between two numbers: 0-1. Everyone else was an associate. I was living the good life never having to meet anyone and reading my heart out, all the while staying well versed in the art of complaining about having zero friends. There was only one teeny tiny problem: Growing up. In my limited experience when you get older you start to want friends more. You want someone to talk about all the stuff going on in your life, and complain about school, and just be bros together. Reading books doesn’t quite cut it. I needed a real friend, not my fiction buddies. However, I was and still am an introvert, and so it was gonna take time to make some friends. I will spare you the details of that story, but long story short I did make a good friend and from that arduous journey I have some insights I would like to share with you.

Number 1: Actions and character need to matter more than appearance.

This is a very important tenet of making friends and one that often goes out the window. Your appearance (or theirs) should not matter more than the way you act, and the way you act shows your character. I am not saying that appearance does not matter at all, because we all know that is not true. I am just saying the appearance should not matter more than how you act and what those actions show about your character. You can wear your Jordans to school and look cool as much as you want. But if those Jordans stop you from being kind to others then I would tell you to wear some Crocs.

Number 2: Listen more than talk.

I feel like this one is self explanatory, but people sometimes get the wrong impression. Listening more then you are talking is not asking them a quick question about what they like to do then after they speak two sentences cut them off and dive into your whole life story. The difference is this: When you are truly interested in someone you will listen to them with the intent to learn, but when you are, for lack of a better word uninterested them, you will only listen to them so that you can talk about yourself. This leads in to the next segment perfectly.

Number 3: It works both ways.

People often become so eager to be friends with someone that they end up carrying more of the burden of being friends. This is important in light of the previous segment. When you are listening more than you are talking you should naturally talk about yourself less (or else it defeats the purpose), but this also means that they don’t get to learn about you. Listening more than talking does not mean you can’t talk about yourself at all it just means that you need to have the right intent when listening to people. Listening more than talking needs to work both ways to make the friendship equally balanced. This insight is not just for communication although it helps strengthen communication a lot. This insight should be applied to everything in a friendship.

Number 4: Give your friends grace.

Friendships are hard. It is not easy dealing with another human being who is not your family. Things happen. We have to give people grace and time to explain themselves and we want them to do the same for us. None of us are perfect. I haven’t even perfected these insights and I am writing about them! The only human being who was perfect was Jesus Christ. All we can do is strive to be like him and act like him. You still have to set boundaries and tell people when enough is enough, but giving people grace and helping them become a better person is what makes people better, not cussing them out.

Have fun making friends,

Elias King

Me and my brother got to spend some quality time with Mom at a restaurant.